| Sir Brockton O'Toole's World
Famous TIJUANA FAQ Revised Version at Casa de EL CHAMUCO |
 |
| Sir Brockton O'Toole's World
Famous TIJUANA FAQ Revised Version at Casa de EL CHAMUCO |
|
NOTE FROM EL CHAMUCO:
Sir Brockton O'Toole is one of the most experienced veterans of the Tijuana scene, and one of the best known denizens of alt.sex.prostitution.tijuana. His Tijuana FAQ has introduced, instructed, and safely led tens of gentlemen to the Tijuana bars--and their carnal delights.
This is the latest version of Sir Brockon's Tijuana FAQ. The
original version can also be found in the World Sex Guide TJ website. I included the link to the
WSG site because that's the official home of the FAQ and Sir
Brockon includes this address in each of his posts to ASPT.
Also for the readers' convenience you can access the text-only version of the FAQ, which is easier to print, by clicking here.
This is by far the most useful document for the non-Spanish speaking reader on the exploration of the Tijuana prostitution scene, and you should read it carefully before doing anything if you are new to this field of knowledge.
|
=========================|
TIJUANA FAQ |============================ Updated: October 8, 1998 Reply to: Brockton O'Toole (00033@mailanon.com) Archived at: http://www.worldsexguide.org/tijuana_faq.txt.html All prices quoted in U.S. Dollars ==================================================================== INTRODUCTION: Some years ago, the multifarious demands of the O'Toole Empire brought me to San Diego for the first time. After concluding my business, I was in the mood for a little adult entertainment. (And besides, I had given the flight crew of my G-IV the night off.) I had never been to TJ, so I soon found myself wandering the tourista strip along Avenida Revolucion. Enticed by barkers promising all manner of carnal delights, I foolishly patronized a number of clubs in that area. All were disappointing clip joints interested only in separating me from my money. I departed unsatisfied and wondering where the TJ legends had gotten their start. On a subsequent visit, it was raining so I hired a cab. When I used my barbarous Spanish to inquire of the cab driver, I learned that on my previous visit I had done practically everything wrong. He gave me some excellent advice and introduced me to the gentleman's playground that is the Zona Norte. About the same time, one of my technical staffers recommended the Internet as a useful business tool. It was then I discovered Usenet newsgroups and the concept of a document which answered frequently asked questions (FAQ). It occurred to me that others could benefit from my TJ experience. And so it was that the TJ FAQ came to be. The rest, as they say, is history. This FAQ is geared toward to total novice who is arriving from the United States. The idea is to get you south of the border and get you laid with a minimum of risk, drama or expense. If you follow the procedure described below, your TJ sojourn will be easy and fun. Armed with this information, there is no need to be concerned about traveling alone. As you will read below, you'll be perfectly safe. And there is certainly no need to pay somebody to be your TJ "guide," because these directions are idiot-proof. PLANNING YOUR TJ TRIP: If you have any discretion in respect of when you arrive, and your goal is to have the best possible selection of girls, plan your visit for a Friday or Saturday night after 9:00 p.m. Granted, on weekend night lots of gentlemen will be there as well. So it can get pretty crowded and sometimes it may be difficult to get the attention of a girl who catches your eye. Nevertheless, I continue to favor Friday and Saturday nights because there are so many girls available that you are bound to find one that appeals to you. If you don't like crowds, Thursday and Sunday nights are an option. The action on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights can be uneven. The same goes for visiting for during the day. If your circumstances are such that you have no choice but to visit during a slack period, your best bet will probably be the Adelita Bar as the rest of the clubs will be virtually empty. (More on location and description below.) Finally, keep in mind that the pleasures of TJ are such that they are worth arranging a little vacation should you find yourself in the Southern California area. So this FAQ includes travel information for those interested in arranging overnight accommodations. If you're a local, or you're just going for the night, skip ahead to the section entitled "Crossing the Border." LOCATION: Tijuana is just south of San Ysidro, California. From the west side of Los Angeles or from Los Angeles International Airport (LAX), you can drive the approximately 150 miles to TJ in about 2.5 hours by going south on I-405 to I-5. From San Diego, you can drive the approximately 25 miles in about 30 minutes on I-5. From LA, there is Amtrak rail service. Call (800) 872-7245. And from San Diego, there is light rail (Trolley) service. Call (619) 233-3004 or (619) 595-4949. Hint: If you fly into San Diego airport and decide to use public transportation, there is a bus which will take you to the nearest trolley station, where you can then catch the trolley to downtown San Diego, Chula Vista and its southern terminus at San Ysidro. Inquire at the airport for details. TIJUANA LODGING: A full description of all the hotels available in TJ is beyond the scope of this FAQ. Suffice it to say that if you are willing to pay upwards of $100 per night, you can find luxury accommodations in TJ that are as comfortable as any in the United States, Europe or Asia. (The Hotel Real del Rio in the Zona Rio area is popular with travelers who desire first-class lodging. Call 011-52-66-343-100.) There are also excellent resorts further south in Baja California. Consult your travel agent or a guide book. At the other end of the scale, there are numerous hotels in TJ where you can rent a room for as little as $20 per night. CAUTION: These hotels are *extremely* basic. Often there is no air conditioning, television or telephone. Moreover, you'll probably need to speak some Spanish to deal with the proprietors. If you are a bilingual, adventurous type of guy who is unconcerned with creature comforts, these hotels are an option. But frankly, I do not recommend them. If you have your heart set on staying in Tijuana without spending a fortune, the best value can be found at the La Villa de Zaragoza Hotel, which is located at 1120 Avenida Madero, between 7th and 8th Streets. (Behind the jai alai emporium, which should be on most maps.) Rooms are about $35-40 per night and feature the usual creature comforts such as air conditioning, television, and telephone. In addition, the staff speaks some English. Call them at 011 52-66-851-832. ADVICE FOR NOVICES: If you are new to the TJ scene, I STRONGLY recommend lodging on the north side of the border. There is a wide selection of hotels in all prices ranges, each of which is (IMHO) a better value than anything you'll find in Tijuana. In addition, your inability to speak Spanish won't be a problem. And finally, the trip to the border is very quick whether you drive or take the trolley. SOCAL LODGING: Obviously, there are numerous hotels in all prices ranges in San Diego. (See http://www.sandiegan.com for an online list.) A very nice vacation involves seeing the sights of San Diego by day and spending your evening in Tijuana. If, however, TJ is your primary focus, you should probably stay in one of the communities between San Diego and the border: National City, Chula Vista or San Ysidro. For luxury accommodations, I highly recommend the Radisson Suites in National City, (800) 333-3333, where a one-bedroom suite with an ocean view and breakfast rents for about $95 per night. The same folks run a Holiday Inn across the street. Rates there are in the $70-80 range. Slightly farther south is Chula Vista. If you are going to use public transportation (the trolley) this is where I recommend that you stay. There is a trolley station and visitor information center where E Street intersects with the I-5 freeway. Within 300 meters you'll find several moderately priced hotels, as well as numerous restaurants and a couple of shopping centers featuring a grocery store and numerous other kinds of businesses. In other words, everything you could possibly want is within walking distance. In Chula Vista, my two favorite places to stay are the Best Western Cavalier, (619) 420-6259, which runs about $45 per night and the Motel-6, (619) 422-4200, at about $40 per night. Both are just steps from the trolley station and about 100 meters from the entrance to the southbound I-5 for the ten minute drive to the border. Stay away from the Ramada in Chula Vista. The place is a dump, the staff is rude and the rates are outrageous. There is a Holiday Inn Express in Chula Vista, (619) 422-2600, which has a regular rate of about $65, and a La Quinta, (800) 531-5900, which has rates in the $70 range. As always, you can probably do better than these rates if you qualify for a military or corporate discount, or if you book a room during a slack period. Further information about Chula Vista lodging is available from the Chamber of Commerce, (619) 420-6602, the Visitor Information Center, (619) 425 4444. You might also try the Downtown Business Association, (619) 422-1982. Finally, if you want to be within walking distance of the border, you can stay in San Ysidro. You won't find much in the way of luxurious lodging there. But there are several modest motels available that are clean and comfortable. CROSSING THE BORDER: If you are using the trolley, just go south until you get to the last stop at San Ysidro. When you get off, you'll see the giant port of entry building, which straddles numerous lanes of northbound and southbound traffic. (I know there isn't any water for miles around, but they still call it a "port" of entry.) CAUTION: Northbound trolley service is sporadic in the wee hours of the morning. So if you're planning to make a late night of it, ascertain in advance the schedule by calling the number listed above. The southbound pedestrian gate into Mexico is on the other side of all the traffic, on the west side of the port of entry. To get there, look for some angled ramps like you'd see in a stadium. Walk up the ramps, and then over the pedestrian bridge to the west side. Go down and ramps and you'll see a set of turnstiles marking the southbound pedestrian gate into Mexico. It's easier than I make it out to be. Just follow the crowds. If you have a car, I STRONGLY recommend AGAINST driving into Mexico for a number of reasons. The insurance on your personal car is NO GOOD in Mexico, so you'll have to buy special Mexican auto insurance. Don't think you can avoid the problem by renting a car. If you drive a rental car into Mexico it is an express VIOLATION of the rental agreement. So if anything happens to the car, you are PERSONALLY LIABLE, EVEN IF YOU BOUGHT THE INSURANCE OR LOSS/DAMAGE WAIVER! And even if you surmount these obstacles, it's rather difficult to find your way around and safe parking is very scarce. In fact, secure parking in TJ will usually be so far away from where you're going that you will have to take a cab anyway. BEST BET FOR DRIVERS: Drive down to the border, park on the U.S. side, and walk across. Then take a taxi to your TJ destination. To do that, go south on I-5 or I-805, which merge into one big freeway that dead ends at the border. Get off the freeway at the *last exit before* the border, marked "Last USA Exit and Parking." Go through the four-way stop and you'll see several parking lots. Their prices vary depending on proximity to the border and day of the week. I recommend Five Star Parking, which is the last lot on the right before you reach a turnaround which is the pedestrian drop-off point. You'll pay $7, but you can save $1 by using the discount coupons they put in the lobbies of most of the hotels in the area. HINT: Park near the entrance so the attendant can keep an eye on your car (giving him a tip also helps). Do not leave anything visible in your car which would tempt the smash-and-grab crowd. Exit the parking lot and turn right on the sidewalk. Follow the crowd walking toward the turnstiles that mark the southbound pedestrian gate into Mexico. There is usually NO inspection by Mexican officials of southbound pedestrians. (Needless to say, the Mexican authorities reserve the right to search you. So don't be a bonehead. Leave your contraband at home.) You do NOT need a passport or other ID. [You may need ID to get back into the United States. See below.] After you pass through the turnstiles, walk south about 200 meters and go through second set of turnstiles. There you will find a cab stand and a number of drivers, all of whom speak English, standing around soliciting passengers. Hire a cab and tell him you want to go to Adelitas (ah-day-LEE-tas). You are supposed to be charged a flat fare of $5. But once in a while, the driver will demand more and feed you some story about gas prices going up. This is especially common if the driver sizes you up as a gullible tourist. You can generally avoid this fate by speaking Spanish (even halting, high school Spanish) and/or by sitting in the *front* seat of the cab, which is a local custom. But even if the driver asks for more than $5, my advice would be to pay the extra buck or two. It's not worth bickering over such a small amount of money. Also, be sure to carry exact change. Unlike the bars in the Zona Norte, which cheerfully accept dollars and honestly make change, cab drivers are less diligent in this respect. SAFETY ALERT: You may be tempted to save the cab fare and walk over the bridge into downtown TJ. THIS IS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS! The neighborhoods you must traverse are not exactly the nicest parts of TJ. And there are bandidos who lurk along this route who specialize in robbing unwary foreign pedestrians. Be safe not sorry. Pay $5 for the taxi. Ditto for your return to the border. Again, WALKING BETWEEN THE ZONA NORTE AND THE BORDER IS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS! Plain enough? WHY NOT AVENIDA REVOLUCION? By following this plan, you will be eschewing the main tourista drag along Avenida Revolucion. When it comes to commercial sex establishments, you will not be missing a thing. IMHO, most of the strip clubs and hooker bars along Avenida Revolucion are depressing dives that specialize in hustling touristas. The drink prices are high, the girls are ugly (some are she-males) and if you're crazy enough to go with one of them you'll pay a fortune for a scarifying experience in a dingy room. So stay away from the Bambi Club, the Unicorn Club, the San Souci and others of their ilk, no matter how insistent their barkers. (Also avoid anyone who is hawking a "donkey show." This type of entertainment doesn't exist.) If you simply must begin your evening on Avenida Revolucion, I suggest you visit one of the numerous "college girl" bars and tune up by leering at the 18 year old SoCal sweeties. Then hop a cab to the Adelita Bar. (Again, walking is NOT recommended.) THE COMMERCIAL SEX SCENE IN THE ZONA NORTE AN OVERVIEW: When you get out of the cab at the Adelita Bar, you will be in the middle of the Zona Norte, so called because it's north of downtown. You'll see numerous bars crowded into a several blocks. Most of these places work on a dance hall format. There is a DJ (or in some places, a live band) a dance floor, and a few girls sitting around. Occasionally, you'll see a strip show of sorts. But usually it's no big deal. (American style strip clubs are rare in TJ.) Some of the girls do no more than dance with patrons and sit at their table in exchange for a small amount of money, or in exchange for buying them overpriced drinks on which they earn a commission. And there is a market for that kind of service from guys who are only interested in drinking, dancing and chatting. But most of the girls are hookers and most of the clubs are so-called hooker bars. In addition to the hooker bars, the Zona Norte also features several small hotels that rent rooms by the hour. You strike a deal in the bar and then go to the hotel to consummate the transaction. Unlike the furtive commercial sex scene in most U.S. cities, it's all very above-board, organized and convenient. With regard to the girls, you'll find that in the vast majority of Zona Norte clubs the quality will range from ugly to just passable. You get what you pay for and most of the bars in the Zona Norte cater to locals who don't have much money. Now you might be tempted to stumble from bar to bar looking for a girl who strikes your fancy. But as I explain below, wandering around the Zona Norte can be risky. Fortunately, two Zona Norte institutions stand head and shoulders above the rest in terms of offering a selection of VERY attractive girls: The ADELITA BAR and the CHICAGO CLUB, both of which are described in greater detail below. ZONA NORTE SAFETY: Like any urban neighborhood, the Zona Norte has its safe sections and its not-so-safe sections. Fortunately, both the Adelita Bar and the Chicago Club are located in the safest part of the Zona Norte. The Adelita Bar the south side of Calle Coahilla just west of Avenida Constitucion. You won't find Calle Coahilla on most TJ maps, but it's easy to find if you remember that it runs east and west, parallel to Calle Primera (First Street) but one block to the north. Along this stretch of Calle Coahilla, you'll see a small liquor store on the corner, one outdoor stand selling fresh seafood snacks, three stands selling tacos, the entrance stairway to a hotel, a storefront restaurant and the odd shoeshine boy or mariachi musician. In the evenings you'll also see lots people and note a festive atmosphere. Even a TJ novice who speaks no Spanish will be perfectly safe and quite comfortable hanging out in front of the Adelita Bar. (There is a basic but helpful ASCII map of the Zona Norte floating around the Net. Try running a DejaNews search for it, or look on the web site maintained by El Chamuco.) The Chicago Club, which is located roughly kitty corner across the intersection on the east side of Avenida Constitucion, half a block north of Calle Coahilla. You should have no qualms about traversing the short distance between the Adelita Bar and the Chicago Club. And as I've already noted, the hottest girls in the Zona Norte can be found at these two clubs. So there is really no need to go elsewhere. If you are new to the Zona Norte scene or you are not the adventurous type or you just want to cut to the chase and find the best-looking women, I recommend you restrict your movements to the area between the Adelita Bar and the Chicago Club. The remainder of the Zona Norte is GENERALLY safe, but there are a couple of areas to avoid. One is the intersection of Calle Coahilla and Avenida Revolucion. (About 200 yards east of the Adelita Bar, near the Alaska Motel.) The other is the east side of Avenida Constitucion south of Calle Coahilla and north of Calle Primera. (About 50 yards east and 10 yards south of the Adelita Bar.) You should also exercise caution near the intersection of Calle Coahilla and Avenida Ninos Heroes (about 50 yards west of the Adelita Bar, near the New York Club and the Manhattan Club). I have received several reports of street robberies in these areas, often accompanied by a rather violent assault. SECURITY UPDATE: The Tijuana police now have a small outpost near the intersection of Calle Coahilla and Avenida Constitution and they instituted patrols aimed at running off the bandidos. This has increased the safety of this area dramatically. But there is some indication that the bandidos have just moved farther west. And nothing is ever certain. So whenever you get off the well-beaten path between the Adelita Bar and the Chicago Club, walk in the street and keep your head on a swivel. This will make it more difficult for the bandidos to surprise you from a doorway or sneak up on you from behind. Finally, as I noted above, do NOT under any circumstances attempt to walk from the Zona Norte to the border. Take a taxi. DEALING WITH LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT: Prostitution is officially tolerated in TJ, so you are at no risk for patronizing the bars in the Zona Norte. However, you *will* attract the attention of the police if you act like an asshole. So don't drink on the street, piss on the street, pick fights with locals or engage in other loutish behavior. On a more serious note, the Mexican police are VERY strict on those who carry narcotics or weapons. (And their definition of weapons includes knives, mace and pepper spray.) Moreover, Mexican law permits random searches of patrons in bars. So occasionally the policia will charge into the bars in the Zona Norte and search everyone. If you're carrying any kind of weapon or any kind of narcotics, your are SERIOUSLY fucked. SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES: As I noted above, prostitution is officially tolerated in TJ. It is also regulated by the authorities. All the girls are required to get a medical examination every two weeks. When they do so, they receive a certificate from the health department. The authorities conduct periodic spot checks to ensure that the girls are complying with this requirement. Moreover, as I note below, condom usage is virtually universal. IMHO, these safeguards reduce the risk of contracting a STD from one of the girls in the Zona Norte bars to almost zero. (BTW, the girls you see on the street are generally less diligent about getting their checkups. Avoid them.) Granted, no system is perfect. The regulations can be flouted or circumvented. Bribes can be paid. And accidents happen. So every guy has to evaluate the risk for himself. All I'm saying is that in *my* opinion, the risk is vanishingly small. Whether it justifies the reward is up to you. For more information on this topic, read Jayhawk's summary of the medical literature, which is archived at the World Sex Guide WWW site and which he periodically posts to alt.sex.prostitution.tijuana. Let's see. So far you've read about how to avoid getting mugged, getting arrested and getting a STD. Cheerful material this is not. But necessary. Use your common sense and follow the FAQ and you'll be just fine. The risks are actually very, very low. Fortunately, things pick up from here. Now you're going to read about getting laid by some of the hottest girls in the world. THE ADELITA BAR ==================================================== Noisy, crowded, hot and loud, the Adelita Bar is pure South of the Border. The second you step inside, you'll be greeted with sights, sounds and smells that are all Mexican. By Zona Norte standards, the interior of the Adelita Bar is quite lavish. (The mens room, complete with full-time attendant, is positively spotless. Throw this guy a buck for his hard work.) Music comes from a DJ and it tends toward Tejano, Conjunto and Norte. There is ample seating and they usually have soccer or some other sports on TV. (Like you go there to watch the game. Not!) Beer or a tequila shot is currently priced at about $1.75. At those prices, you can afford to give your bartender or waiter a $1 tip per round. If you do, you will receive cheerful and efficient service unknown in los Estados Unidos. Like the other Zona Norte clubs, the Adelita Bar works on the dance hall format. So there are two dance floors in pretty constant use by the Mexican guys and the girls. Some nights, they will sometimes have a few of the girls do a short strip show on the front stage. It's nothing spectacular. Before I describe the girls in the Adelita Bar, a brief disclaimer is in order. I realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So I will disclose up front that my taste runs toward the Norteamericano ideal of female beauty and therefore I prefer a petite woman who has a slim figure and "fine" facial features. (For example, American actresses Lara Flynn Boyle, Courteney Cox, Gina Gershon, Moira Kelly or Elizabeth Shue.) I am well aware that many Mexican women have curvier figures and "broader" facial features. And I'm aware that lots of men (not necessarily all of them Mexican) prefer that look. So when it comes to my comments about the looks of the various Zona Norte girls, as they say on the Net, YMMV. And don't forget that on a busy weekend night, the selection will be good enough that you can almost certainly find somebody who you think is gorgeous. In the Adelita Bar, it's unlikely you'll find the stereotypical tall, blond swimsuit model. Many of the women are short, dark and, to be polite, "curvy." If that's not your preference, watch out for the miracles that can be accomplished via push-up bras and the clever use of clothes. But don't despair. On a typical weekend night, you'll find at least 50 girls to choose from. So if you're patient, you can find somebody that appeals to you. Look for the young, quiet one hiding in a corner and indulge your high-school girl fantasy. Or go for the hard-bodied girl with the golden skin and the skin-tight minidress. Best of all possible finds if the truly gorgeous young thing just starting out. Sometimes, these girls start at the Adelita Bar before moving on to the more upscale Chicago Club. Most of the girls, if they are not sitting with or dancing with customers, stand around or circulate among the guys. Many of them are not bashful about talking to you. This is especially true for Norteamericanos who are alone. Some guys like this, some don't. I think it's fun. Where else can you have a young girl walk up and grab your ass while she tells you how good she can suck your cock? Hint: Don't be concerned if you fail to see a girl you like straight off. The selection of girls at the Adelita Bar is constantly changing. When things are slow, the girls will go home to gossip or watch TV. When things pick up later in the evening, they return. Frequently the selection at 2:00 a.m. is superior to what is was at 10:00 p.m. So be patient. You may discover somebody totally hot in the wee hours. Strategy: Don't sit at a table. Instead, buy your drink at the bar and wander around the club. You'll get a better look at the girls and you'll have a chance to chat with the friendlier ones. While you are listening to her sales pitch, I've found if you keep smiling and talking, your hands can roam a little and the girl won't mind. This of course is the reason you're in the Zona Roja: to get away with doing things that would get you slapped anywhere else. The girls' English ranges from pretty good, to virtually non-existent. But don't let the language barrier keep you from the girl of your dreams. Almost all can speak enough English to negotiate a price and get you laid. If you choose, you can buy your girl a drink, but there's no big hustle to do so. If you seem to like her, she will ask you if you'd like to "go to the room," or "go to the hotel" which is their euphemism for doing business. If you say yes, she'll quote you a price, generally $40-60. If you are quoted more, the girl has sized you up as a gullible tourist. Politely counteroffer, keeping in mind that once you get to the hotel you will be required to pay an additional $10 for the use of the room for 30 minutes. The price quoted by the girl is usually includes 30 minutes of her time, which typically takes the form of oral sex, followed by intercourse to a single climax. Note I said "usually." Some of the Zona Norte girls, especially the new ones who are just starting out, will refuse to perform oral sex. If this is important to you, it would be wise to ascertain in advance if oral sex is available. You can also arrange a 60 minute session by paying a higher fee to both the girl and the hotel. "Special requests" (anal, etc.) are negotiable as well. Just be sure to come to an agreement in the bar so that there are no misunderstandings or disappointments when you reach the room. Don't be embarrassed about haggling. Amiable negotiation is practically a national sport in Mexico and the commercial sex trade is the whole purpose of the Zona Norte. You don't need to worry about offending the girls by politely asking for what you want. CHICAGO CLUB ======================================================== East side of Avenida Constitucion, just north of Calle Coahilla, roughly kitty-corner to the Adelita Bar. In my view, this is easily the finest hooker bar in Tijuana. But watch out, the action here can be VERY uneven. On Friday and Saturday, you'll find 40+ girls. Sunday and Thursday, you'll see 20-30. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday can be slow. In fact, it's possible to find the club virtually empty. My theory is the hottest girls do well enough working three or fours days a week that they sometimes take the rest of the week off. Nevertheless, even if you're worried it will be slow, the Chicago Club is a mandatory stop during any TJ excursion. But be aware that the time you visit is important. Even on busy nights, the Chicago Club is usually empty until 9:30. and it takes another hour after that for all the girls to wander in. Peak selection will be from 10:30 to 1:00 a.m. After that, the girls begin to drift off, but the club stays open until nearly dawn. This Chicago Club caters to foreigners with money, especially Asians. If there are numerous Asian guys in there when you visit, you can be assured the girls will soon appear. Somehow, the word just gets around. When you first walk in, a waiter will try to steer you to a table. Insider tip: Politely decline on the pretext of going to the men's room, then choose your own table. Don't sit at the bar. That's where most of the girls hang out, and they get a little peeved if you sit in "their" place. Ditto for hanging out in the alcove near the coat check. The majority of the Chicago Club is pretty dark, which makes it a little tough to get a good look at the girls. For the absolutely BEST view, sit in one of the small booths that surround the dance floor. (My favorite is the one near the ladies room, because eventually all the girls walk right past you.) If you would rather play the high roller, sit at one of the elevated booths up against the wall. Very Las Vegas. The center of the Chicago Club is dominated by an step-up wooden dance floor with the usual disco lighting. Unlike the other Zona Norte clubs, there is no Mexican music here. Nor is there a band. It's all recorded techno-dance stuff. When the spirit moves them, or the manager insists, the girls will dance either by themselves or with the customers. This gives you a chance get a look at them in slightly better light. On busier nights, they also have several strip shows. Every few hours the DJ will dim the lights and starting yammering away in Spanish and English. Then three girls will come out one at a time and do a strip act, which culminates in them being topless. The quality of the strippers varies. Some nights, you get average-looking girls who just seem to be going through the motions. Other nights, the women are hot and the show is hotter. If you take a fancy to one of the dancers, you should know that some (but not all) of them *just strip.* Which means that you're wasting your time trying to get them to go with you. On the other hand, some ARE working girls. So it never hurts to ask. The vast majority of Chicago Club girls are taller, thinner, better dressed, better made up and simply better looking than the other women in TJ. (Although, as of the summer of 1998, the selection of girls at the Adelita Bar is catching up fast.) And as a rule, the Chicago Club girls speak English slightly more fluently than their Adelita Bar counterparts. Therefore, unlike many of the girls you'll find the Zona Norte who are desperate for business, the girls at the Chicago Club sometimes have more offers than they can accommodate. As a result, they are sometimes more selective. Why? Because they can be. Some of these girls are so stunning, they can pick and choose among guys. (The superstar Rosie [a/k/a Kelly] for example.) I've seen girls sit at the bar all night and turn down every last guy who approaches I have seen others arrive, go with one guy, come back, go with another, and call it a night in three hours. So beware, the competition can occasionally be tough. Here's how to stack the odds in your favor: When you get your drink, be CERTAIN to tip at least $1 per round. (Drink prices are slightly higher at the Chicago Club than at the Adelita Bar, so budget a total of $3 for a beer or tequila shot.) Try to remember who your waiter is, and show some loyalty by ordering all of your drinks from him. (The management of the Chicago Club must believe the old "they all look alike" nonsense. So the waiters wear a name tag that has a number on it, presumably so that you can keep them all straight.) Sip and stare and listen to the pounding dance music. Repeat as necessary. When you see a girl that strikes your fancy, tell your waiter you would like to buy her a drink. He will ask her to sit down with you. While it's OK to approach a girl directly, and there is no requirement that you buy the girl a drink, IMHO this technique works best. If the club is busy, or if the girl is totally hot, she is likely weighing competing invitations. So it helps to have the waiter on your side. If you've tipped him well, and he thinks he's going to get another tip from the girl's drink, he'll plead your case for you. The girl's drink will run you about $8 and if you throw the waiter $10, he'll be most pleased with the $2 tip. Chat for a while, then strike a deal. The Chicago Club girls charge slightly more than their Adelita Bar competitors. Expect to be pay $50-70 for the standard 30 minute half-and-half session, plus $10 for the use of the hotel room next door. Given their status at the top of the TJ hooker food chain, the girls at the Chicago Club are more likely to open with a demand in excess of what their willing to ultimately accept. Again, you should politely counter with something in the $50-70 range. And remember, if you've got your heart set on a blowjob or something out of the ordinary, politely ascertain in advance if the girl will perform this service. Like the girls at the Adelita Bar, the girls at the Chicago Club will insist that you wear a condom during intercourse. They are, however, somewhat more flexible when it comes to blowjobs. Again, if this is important to you, negotiate for it in advance. If the hotel is busy, when your 30 minutes is up they will remind you of the time limit with a knock on the door. But if it's slow, they're not real strict about enforcing it. After you finish, a $10 tip is appropriate if you particularly liked the service. On your way out, the gent who cleans the room will solicit a tip of $1. BEFORE YOU GO HOME: If you have worked up an appetite, you may be tempted to follow the lead of the locals and buy a taco or two from the vendors in front of the Adelita Bar. I recommend against this. The food is actually quite good. But the sanitation leaves something to be desired and the risk of coming down with the malady familiar to travelers everywhere is significant. To put it less gracefully, that little e coli bug could fuck up your intestinal tract something fierce and cause you to spend the next 72 hours with constant diarrhea and a fever. If you want a souvenir, buy some cheap tequila or Kaluha from one of the nearby liquor stores, where the prices are better than those on the tourista strip. Just remember you can only bring back one liter to the United States. RETURNING TO THE UNITED STATES: When you've had enough fun, catch a cab back to the border. Same fixed fare of $5. The driver will let you off at the same cab stand where you hired a cab at the start of the evening. But you cannot retrace your steps because the pedestrian walkway from the USA into Mexico is one-way southbound. To return to the USA, you should first use the pedestrian bridge over the southbound highway into Mexico from the USA. This is an arch-shaped concrete structure that usually has a couple of food vendors at the bottom of the ramp. There is also a sign up on a pole indicating "TO USA." When you get to the other side of the pedestrian bridge, you will see a highway with about 20 lanes of traffic headed northbound into the USA. Use the crosswalk to go across the highway to the sidewalk on the east side. Then walk north along the sidewalk, past a few shops including a drugstore, to the doors into the large border crossing complex. You will go down a long corridor until you come to the pedestrian inspection area maintained by the U.S. authorities. Leaving the United States was easy. Getting back in is a *little* harder. In the language of U.S. immigration law, the burden is on YOU to prove "beyond a doubt" that you are "entitled to enter." If you are a U.S. citizen, 99 percent of the time they'll take your word for it. But they always have the option of making you prove it. A passport is perfect. If you are a U.S. citizen of Hispanic descent or you have a "foreign" appearance or accent, they will question you more closely. Be sure to have whatever documentation you need. If you are a foreign tourist visiting the U.S., you must present your passport (with U.S. entry visa) so they know you are not trying to sneak into the U.S. via Mexico. They will not, however, stamp your passport unless you ask. Sometimes, they'll ask you to make a "customs declaration" by asking what, if anything, you are bringing back from Mexico. Once you are admitted to the USA, you will leave the pedestrian inspection area through doors straight ahead. (There are restrooms here if you need one.) At this point, you are on the EAST side of the highway. If you took the trolley, you'll be just a few steps from where you board for the northbound trip. If you drove down and parked at Five Star parking, however, you need to cross over to the WEST side of the highway. To do this, once you get outside the building, make a hard right, almost a u-turn. You will see a series of ramps that leads up to the pedestrian bridge that crosses over the top of the northbound and southbound highways. Descend the ramps on the other side, and you'll see the parking lot. That's all there is to it. If you've enjoyed your Zona Norte sojourn and you'd like to learn more, you can read the traffic in the Usenet newsgroup alt.sex.prostitution.tijuana, which features TJ "trip reports" on a regular basis. I encourage you to post such a report. If you'd like to do so, but you want to remain anonymous and you don't feel like messing around with the anonymous posting methods, you can e-mail your report to me at the address above. I'll strip off your identifying information and forward it to the newsgroup. Regards, Brockton O'Toole |
| BACK TO: |
|