Casa De EL CHAMUCO SPANISH GUIDE For Specific SEX ACTS
In this section you will learn quick, simple ways to ask for specific sex acts in Spanish (assuming, of course, you do not speak Spanish already.) In order to make this guide EXTRA-useful I include Spanish for each sex act, a pronounciation guide, and the translation to English. When reading the pronounciation guide please note that the letters in CAPS indicate an accent, and thus an emphasis on that particular syllable.
Keep in mind this list is far from extensive (there are MANY alternatives, choices of words, derivatives, and variations for each phrase.) I'm trying to keep it as simple as possible for the non-Spanish speakers.
And please: Don't write me telling me that according to what you learned in highschool, or what you saw in a book my Spanish is not accurate; IT IS. I was born and raised in Mexico, and I went to school there. My Spanish is MEXICAN Spanish, so anything you may have seen in other books may or may not apply here, since each Spanish book sold in the USA is written with a different country in mind (most often SPAIN, where the regionalisms are very different from those of Mexico.) But since you'll be dealing with places in MEXICO other rules do not apply.
That said lets get to the guide, which is divided into the following
sections:
The most business-oriented way to ask for sex to a Sex Worker is the following:
Cuanto cuesta por ir contigo al cuarto? (Coo-Ahn-Toh coo-Ehs-tah pohr eer cohn-tEE-goh ahl coo-Ahr-toh?)
"How much does it cost to go with you to the room?"
This question is pretty much all you need. It has the added bonus of asking for a price, which will make the negotiation faster.
For those of you who want to be a little more personal here are a couple more ways to ask for sex:
Quieres hacer el amor?
(kee-Eh-rehs ah-cEhr el ah-mOr?)
"Do you want to make love?"
This is polite and straight forward. I doubt you'll ever need it, though,
as it's pretty much understood that's what you're there for.
You can also simply say
Quieres hacerlo?
(kee-Eh-rehs ah-cEhr-lohr?)
"Do you want to do it?"
Which is the subtle way to ask. Be careful; sometimes it can be TOO subtle
and cause confusion.
Usually you don't need to ask for this (it's part of the session most of the time), but if you must here's how:
Lo haces de perrito?
(Loh Ah-cehs de peh-rree-toh?)
"You do it like doggie?"
Please note that the term of choice for "doggie style" in Mexico is "de perrito" (doggie's). Also note that you have to really ROLL those Rs for "peRRito." Imagine a Scottish accent.
If you're in the middle of the session you may ask like this:
Ahora el perrito?
(ah-Oh-rah el peh-rree-toh?)
"Now the doggie?"
It's perfectly understandable.
Lo haces por la boca?
(Loh Ah-cehs pohr la bOh-cah?)
"You do it by the mouth?"
With this sentence you are ASKING, with subtlety, if she performs fellatio,
not if she will do it to you.
Me lo vas a hacer por la boca?
(Meh loh vahs ah ah-cEhr pohr la bOh-cah?)
"Will you do it to me by the mouth?"
Here you are asking if fellatio will be performed to YOU specifically. I don't think you'll need it after getting a yes from option 1, but if you like being speciffic this one's for you.
Me lo chupas?
(Meh loh chOO-pahs?)
"Will you suck me?"
This one is not as polite as the first two options, but it's not vulgar enough to cause offense--in my opinion.
Lo haces oral?
(Loh Ah-cehs oh-rahl?)
"You do it oral?"
This is as clinical as you can get. However, I recommend sticking with any of the first options; they are easier to understand. Please note that "oral" has a different pronouciation in Spanish, so please pay attention to the pronounciation guide. The same goes for "anal" and "vagina."
Oral sex in the Mexican prostituion scene, when performed, generally is done with a condom (Sex Workers are VERY diligent about this; they fear veneral diseases just as much as anyone else.) However, ocassionally a "bareback" fellatio session can be negotiated usually for a higher fee. If you want to inquire if the girl performs this type of fellatio you can ask like this:
Lo chupas sin condon?
(Loh chOO-pahs seen cohn-dOhn?)
"Do you suck it without a condom?"
This means if she performs fellatio without condom, but it does refer to you. In order to make your request more specific, therefore, this is what you ask:
Me lo chupas sin condon?
(Meh loh chOO-pahs seen cohn-dOhn?)
"Would you suck me without a condom?"
This is as straight forward as you can get. You'll either get a yes or a no for an answer.
Another way to ask is to add "Sin condon?" to the end of any of the options in the regular oral sex section.
Somebody in ASPT asked me how to ask for the Sex Worker to allow you to perform cunnilingus on her. I'll put the translations here, but keep in mind that you will probably get NO for an answer when requesting this. The reason? Fear of STDs, of course. But if you must ask here's how:
Te puedo chupar la vagina?
(Teh poo-Eh-doh chOO-pahr lah vah-hE-nah?)
"Can I suck your vagina?"
This can also be worded in this form:
Puedo chuparte la vagina?
(Poo-Eh-doh choo-pAhr-teh lah vah-hE-nah?)
"Can I suck your vagina?"
Both of them mean EXACTLY the same; you politely requesting to perform cunnilingus on her.
Since "vagina" is somewhat of a clinical term, you may want to be even more clear in what you're asking by replacing it with "panocha" (pah-nOh-chah), which is slang for pussy. "Panocha" is considered vulgar by many Mexicans, although in reality it is the name used in the northern states of Mexico for a sweetener made out of honey and brown suggar. (Same deal as "pussy" for "cat" and for "vagina.")
If you were successful arranging fellatio and cunnilingus, and you want to experience this position, you can try to arrange for the "69" like this:
Haces el sesenta y nueve?
(Ah-cehs el seh-sEhn-tah ee noo-Eh-veh?)
"You do the 69?"
If the girl knows the position you may get either a yes or a no for an answer. If she doesn't then she'll just get puzzled.
If you arranged for fellatio and cunnilingus and you're in the middle of the session you can ask for the 69 like this:
Hacemos el sesenta y nueve?
(Ah-ceh-mohs el seh-sEhn-tah ee noo-Eh-veh?)
"Shall we do the 69?"
Same comments as above.
Please note that not all Sex Workers in Mexico perform anal sex. Those who do--which are a minority--are divided into two categories: those who will do it if asked for it at no extra charge (they are VERY, VERY rare), and those who will do it for an extra fee. Both of these categories are also subdivided into another category: those who will do it depending on your penile size. If the Sex Worker thinks it will be too big her to handle, she will refuse no matter how much you offer. And of course, those who do it will DEMAND the use of a condom.
Anyway, here's how you ask:
Lo haces por el ano?
(Loh Ah-cehs pohr el Ah-noh?)
"You do it by the anus?"
This is effective, yet polite. Ano means anus so there's no possibility of offense. I don't think you'll need more than this to get an answer--which can be either yes or no.
Lo haces por el culo?
(Loh Ah-cehs pohr el kOO-loh?)
"You do it by the ass?"
This means exactly the same as the previous option, but with the use of "culo" (which is considered "vulgar" by many Mexicans.) I recommend caution with this one; I don't think you'll offend any Sex Worker using it, but it's not as polite as using "ano." I would recommend this, in other words, as your "just in case" backup.
Lo haces anal?
(Loh Ah-cehs ah-nAhl?)
"You do it anal?"
This one means the same also, but it's extra-clinical.
Although this is not common (most girls won't do it), once in a while some Mexican Sex Workers allow the client to ejaculate on top of them. In VERY remote cases they may even allow for the client to ejaculate "facially" or even orally. Your chances of finding who will agree to this are near to zero, but if you must ask here's how:
ON THE BODY:
Me puedo venir encima de ti?
(Meh poo-Eh-doh veh-nEEr ehn-sEE-mah de tee?)
or
Puedo venirme encima de ti?
(Poo-Eh-doh veh-nEEr-meh ehn-sEE-mah de tee?)
"Can I come on top of you?"
This may cause some confusion for the Sex Worker, so you may want to make your question more clear by pointing to the body part you want to ejaculate on. Pointing may work to indicate a "facial" ejaculation, but if you want a phrase to be more specific on this keep on reading.
ON THE BREASTS, FACE, BUTT, OR BACK:
For all of these you'll use the same intro:
Me puedo venir en___________?
(Meh poo-Eh-doh veh-nEEr ehn_________?)
or
Puedo venirme en____________?
(Poo-Eh-doh veh-nEEr-meh ehn_________?)
"Can I come on_______?"
Now fill in the blanks depending on your choice of body part:
Breasts:
tus pechos
(toos pEh-chohs)
"your breasts."
tus tetas
(toos tEh-tahs)
"your tits"
tus chichis
(toos chEE-chees)
"your tits"
All of these only "pechos" is polite. The other two are slang.
Usually "all-nighters"--sessions arranged with a Sex Worker for the entire night--are not so easy to negotiate (specially on weekends when the TJ Sex workers make more money working by the hour.) But nevertheless this type of session is posible to arrange, if you find the right girl, both in TJ and Mexicali. So for those of you looking for this, here's how to you ask for it:
Cuanto cobras por toda la noche?
(koo-Ahn-toh cOh-brahs pohr tOh-dah lah nOh-cheh)
"how much do you charge for the entire night?"
Another alternative is:
Cuanto cuesta por toda la noche?
(same as above except for the word "cuesta" (koo-Ehs-tah))
"How much does it cost for the entire night?"
BACK TO THE SPANISH GUIDE MENU
SAYING "NO" (Or: How to kindly decline a proposition at the TJ Bars with a minimum of offense.)
Believe it or not there are times once in a while when there is no other choice but to decline when a nice Lady offers a session. In fact, it has been asked more than once in ASPT how to get around this difficult task without offending the Lady. After all, it is a rejection.
Since interpersonal dynamics in Mexican society are a very touchy subject, the task is not an easy one. However, there are a couple of polite ways to decline the offer. Lets suppose you have been proposed to have a session by a Lady and you wish to decline. Here's what you could say:
Mejor después
(meh-hOr dehs-poo-Ehs)
"Later would be better"
This, in Mexico, is one of the most polite ways to decline. Instead of utterly rejecting the proposition, which could be taken with offense, the rejection is merely hinted. This way feelings are usually spared.
Another version of "Mejor después" is:
Mejor mas tarde
(Meh-hOr mAhs tAhr-deh)
"Later would be better"
You can also start out either of the sentences with:
Gracias, pero __________.
(GrAh-see-ahs pEh-roh)
"thanks, but _________.)
And then fill in the blank with "mejor" mas tarde or "mejor después."
Also popular are the "white lies," or polite excuses to justify your declining. Some of the most popular are:
No, gracias, _________.
(Noh grAh-see-ahs, ________.)
And the fill in the blank with any of the following:
Estoy un poco cansado
(Ehs-toy oon pOh-coh cahn-sAh-doh)
"I'm a little bit tired."
Ya casi no tengo dinero
(Yah cAh-see noh ten-goh dee-nEh-roh)
"I have almost no money" (or I have very little money left.)
NOTE: The "Casi no tengo dinero" can lead to a considerable rebate in the session fee. If you hear "cuanto tienes" (how much do you have) or something along those lines you can either say "casi nada" (cah-see nah-dah)--"almost nothing"--if you really don't feel like having another session. OR, you can say you have like 20 bucks or something like that (make it 30) if you feel it's worth the money. Sometimes this leads to a nice rebate (you'll have to be careful not to reveal how much money you REALLY have, though.)
Because of a lenghty discussion in ASPT over the risks of STDs in the Sex Trade I received a message suggesting an addition to the Spanish guide showing how to ask if you can see the health card of the lady you're planning on having a session with. Here's, therefore, how to do this.
The issue is a touchy one. To ask for a health card implies a certain degree of wearyness that can be and often it is interpreted as mistrust. Hence, some caution is recommended. Asking for the health card can be done in steps, for example:
Tienes tu tarjeta de salud?
(tee-Eh-nehs too tahr-hE-tah deh sah-lOOd?)
"Do you have your health card?"
If the answer is "SI" (although you may get a face of disbelief) then ask:
Me dejas verla?
(Meh dEh-hahs vEhr-lah?)
"Would you allow me to see it?"
You could also ask "Puedo verla" instead of "Me dejas verla." "Puedo verla" means "can I see it?", but it is more imperative--although it is still a request. Hence "me dejas verla" is more recommended, since it gives the lady a little more authority, and thus it is more polite.
(please remember that the girls are under no obligation of showing you ANYTHING. Not as long as you are not part of the local authorities.)
By asking in two steps the question is more gradual, less direct, and, as a result, slightly more subtle than just asking straight up. Still, if you feel like doing so, here's how to ask in a single question:
Me dejas ver tu tarjeta de salud?
(Meh dEh-hahs vEhr too tahr-hE-tah deh sah-lOOd?)
"Would you allow me to see your health card?"
A warning, though: There's no guarantee that you'll see the card just by asking. You might get the lady slightly upset. Still, just as a common courtesy it is customary in Mexico not to decline requests as long as they are reasonable. YET, it is also customary to make up a polite excuse to decline, so there's always the chance you can get one of those--although it's not that likely.
Here are two links to two Spanish translation prgrams referred to us by Sire EL PENSADOR. I'm not very fond of translators (electronic or printed) because they usually do not focus on Mexican Spanish, and use Spain's or Puerto Rican Spanish instead--which differ from Mexican Spanish in several key regionalisms.
I tested one of these programs--the verb translator--and found it to be mostly competent. It gives you a wealth of information on many verbs --and their full conjugations-- in Spanish, as well as an incredible pronounciation guide. The only catch is that, well, it does not focus on Mexican Spanish, and because of this some misunderstandings can be caused. For example: it lists "pucha" as "to speak." I don't know where this is from, but I can tell you that in Mexico "pucha" does not mean "to speak." It means "pussy." Also, it conjugates some verbs in the Spanish mode (example: Vosotros caminais; present tense of the plural for "you walk." In Mexico "Ustedes caminan" is used instead.)
Further: The verb translator does not recognize slang--Mexican slang at least. The term "Chingar" (usually understood as "to fuck"), for example, is nowhere to be found. They do list "culear" (also "to fuck"), though, and the term is well known in Mexican slang.
I haven't tested the second translator, but consider it a resource in case you want further information on Spanish.
